by Robert Brown
July 9, 2017
(This is written directly from my journal and is posted to show the attitude of so many members at that time: dedication, faith, full effort, wanting to do the best for God and True Parents.)
This year was full of challenges, deep experiences, struggles, victories, deep growth. I wouldn’t trade this year for anything. It started out struggling with much struggle to unite, surrender, be grateful, to be faithful to Commander Yono. My fallen nature was coming out everywhere, but I was always grateful for the struggles. Finally I determined absolutely to support Mr. Yono completely. Right after that commander mentioned over a meal that he would be leaving the region to trade with Commander Tom Phillips in Boston.
I was stunned and probably was the most sad to see him leave. I wanted to volunteer to go with him, but I felt God wanted for Mr. Yono to have a completely fresh beginning. Also I wanted very much to work with Mr. Tom Phillips as he was my Captain four years ago under Larry Krishnek with Commander Shimba.
It was very good to see Commander Phillips again and soon he made me a Captain. But I didn’t prove united and did things “my” way and not God’s.
Then I was put on Theresa Booker’s team where I grew very much. Whatever struggles and difficulties I went through and I had many, I always knew everything I went through was directly from God. God was taking personal concern with my life. I know always that God loves me and has great hope for my life.
Then the matching came in May and although I didn’t go because I was only 23 I learned so much from that matching and what my brothers and sisters went though and from what they learned. It changed my life completely. I realized that we must be so desperate for the matching. I learned that we must truly prepare ourselves with all of our heart. I began to yearn to be pure, and true, to be righteous and strong, and mostly to become a man of love.
I began to learn how to feel things deeply, to be able to cry. I began to prepare myself for the next matching. Nothing will keep me away. I am totally unworthy but I am most willing and ready.
Commander had Laura Olson and me pioneer selling pictures, metal foil etchings. Mr. Hyashi’s region was bringing great victory with lessor photos and Laura went on their team for one week to study and learn, but it seemed she didn’t observe much and we had to learn everything from scratch.
I struggled very much and didn’t sell anything for 3 days. Finally on the third day I sold one small picture for $10, less than the asking price, and with a one month post-dated check. But it was the beginning. From there it slowly got better.
Other people joined selling pictures (all newly matched members). Later Fiona Raines from England joined.
I worked together with Fiona for a while and we usually did good. One day Fiona set the region all time gross record at $815. About a week later I finally broke my MFT record since Alaska ’76 and set the region record at $850.
For a short time I was with Paul Bullow selling pictures. But most of the time I was on Rick Vaughn’s team.
I have learned many deep things from Rick. He is very dedicated, focused, challenging new levels. Previously under Scott Howard we were Captains competing together and I never understood him nor appreciated him so much.
I was doing well with the pictures so I was sent to Hawaii about 3 weeks before Christmas to pioneer by myself there. It was a very struggling time, but I learned very much about the shallowness of my conviction. At one point I was so fed up with my standard I determined to fly to Korea, not to escape but to learn deeper heart, more willing sacrifice, deeper love, deeper conviction. I wanted to suffer and become a better person.
The next morning Commander said to return as soon as possible. I knew God was saying to deepen my heart in this region on MFT and not in Korea.
I came back and was on Rick’s team again. It was difficult before and after Christmas. My prayer life was healthy and God was watching.
My love for the True Parents is deeper. And for the first time in five years I really thought about and prayed about a goal for the new year. Finally it came to me: to learn and to be an example of deep faith; true, clean, clear, childlike faith. I pledged to not judge others and to deepen my prayer life.
I learned so much in 1979 and grew very much. I am eternally grateful for Heavenly Father for his tears and desperation and his deep concern for my life.
Victory to love Commander
Victory to love True Parents
Victory to love Heavenly Father
Victory to become a man of love
I offer the year 1979 completely to Heavenly Father. I pray for victory in 1980.
I.T.P.N
Robert E. Brown