by Herb Myer
June 3, 2017
This is an abridged version of Herb’s story. For the full report please go to Book on Following SMM.
I am incredibly grateful for the two years I spent at the seminary. In some ways they were two of the best two years of my life. It was a time to learn what others had believed and taught about the existence of God and just how the different teachings of Christianity had developed and changed over history. It was a time to really examine the teachings of the Divine Principle and see how they measured up. It was time to reflect. It was a time to try to learn about and meet God.
I still, after all these years, consider my time at the seminary a wonderful blessing.
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I had never actually thought that I would return to Barrytown, for I honestly had felt that I was not pure enough or holy enough to attend the seminary. For many, many months my daily survival struggles with “satan”, police, hostile people, and parking lots of volcanic temperatures had limited my world view.
I had been living one day at a time. My days were broken down into two hour segments of rushing to make the goals I made for selling the flowers or candy.
When I first arrived at the seminary, I placed my one suitcase in the lobby downstairs and I went up to the chapel.
Even now as I write this (over twenty years later) I can almost feel what I felt when I went to the chapel; it was such a warm feeling and so substantial that it was almost physical. I felt embraced by God. It was almost like I had come back to his living room and He was so happy to see me. I know that sounds silly, but its true — it was what I felt. The really amazing thing was that as soon as started praying, I immediately remembered that night so many months before when it seemed that I felt His Heart for a moment, stumbled out of the chapel, and was reduced to tears in the snow outside. It was like God was telling me now that even He remembered that moment as something special, and He was happy that I was back in Barrytown.
Its moments like these that kept me in the Church, that kept me believing in Reverend Moon. I know that many people may think this sounds silly or self-delusionary. I know that people who have really had religious experiences know what I mean.
There’s been many times, I must admit, that I have been so frustrated by these experiences later. If I had never had such experiences, it would have been so easy so many times in the last twenty plus years to leave Unification Church, and to leave the issue of “who” SMM is completely up to God, and go live my own life. But the fact that these various religious moments have been so incredibly real haunts me, and makes me a prisoner of my own conscience.
Then another thing happened that I will never forget. When I went downstairs to get my suitcase there were people sitting in the student lounge reading newspapers and magazines. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe it! How could church members be wasting time like this!
Thus began two years of learning that God loves each and every one of us, and not because we work 12 to16 hours a day in parking lots begging for money